One of the first Youtube videos I ever made played on the metaphor of avoidant attachment being akin to the experience of being on ibuprofen all of the time.
I've normally presented fairly avoidant but been fine tuned to "Nos" - partly because they can be so recalcitrant, it sort of paid to notice them early and avoid investing too hard in something they'll later reject outright.
Relating in a more secure way to my responses has come hand-in-hand with noticing that those feelings are actually workable, particularly if I've demonstrated attentiveness previously there's more internal trust. Partly also things are just less in crisis: my standard disposition to the social world was like a rock in my shoe that I numbed myself against, but any minor displeasure was like insult to injury for my subconscious which became extremely rigid in disproportion to the size of the upset.
😮💨😮💨😮💨😮💨 so needed to read this - “It takes a very long time to resensitize oneself to everyday living: to the regular pains and vulnerabilities that arise within it. At first this might seem like a pointless task: why make life more difficult than it has to be? And yet the more the desire to have healthy, reciprocal relationships sinks into one’s bones, the more it becomes clear: life is that difficult, actually..” I’m in the midst of a big layer of that re-sensitizing process and it’s been making me feel like I’m losing my mind a little bit. ♥️ Thanks for the reminder that I’m human and it’s okay.
Beautifully written. This speaks to where I'm at in my journey currently. I'm rebuilding after a life of extreme, unfathomable trauma. The pain changed me so much & I'm in much less pain now. I've had so many epiphanies that my entire self-concept changed over the course of a few months. I realized the extent of my avoidance when the object of my limerence offered real love to me & I exploited that love out of fear. Now I am rebuilding everything from the ground up & I get to decide what's for me & what isn't. When I was dissociative, I couldn't discern what I wanted. I just didn't want to be hurt & abused anymore. Now, I can connect with myself & be my truest self. I love the idea of paying attention to the pain, hearing it, feeling it, but not letting it consume you because there's still shit to do. Thanks for all the work you do, Heidi🫀
Thanks. This made me cry and face my own pain and fear for a bit, before putting it back into the drawer that’s been semi-forgotten about in the attic of my head (especially fear).
I've normally presented fairly avoidant but been fine tuned to "Nos" - partly because they can be so recalcitrant, it sort of paid to notice them early and avoid investing too hard in something they'll later reject outright.
Relating in a more secure way to my responses has come hand-in-hand with noticing that those feelings are actually workable, particularly if I've demonstrated attentiveness previously there's more internal trust. Partly also things are just less in crisis: my standard disposition to the social world was like a rock in my shoe that I numbed myself against, but any minor displeasure was like insult to injury for my subconscious which became extremely rigid in disproportion to the size of the upset.
This whole thing is so timely, thank you friend ♥️
😮💨😮💨😮💨😮💨 so needed to read this - “It takes a very long time to resensitize oneself to everyday living: to the regular pains and vulnerabilities that arise within it. At first this might seem like a pointless task: why make life more difficult than it has to be? And yet the more the desire to have healthy, reciprocal relationships sinks into one’s bones, the more it becomes clear: life is that difficult, actually..” I’m in the midst of a big layer of that re-sensitizing process and it’s been making me feel like I’m losing my mind a little bit. ♥️ Thanks for the reminder that I’m human and it’s okay.
Beautifully written. This speaks to where I'm at in my journey currently. I'm rebuilding after a life of extreme, unfathomable trauma. The pain changed me so much & I'm in much less pain now. I've had so many epiphanies that my entire self-concept changed over the course of a few months. I realized the extent of my avoidance when the object of my limerence offered real love to me & I exploited that love out of fear. Now I am rebuilding everything from the ground up & I get to decide what's for me & what isn't. When I was dissociative, I couldn't discern what I wanted. I just didn't want to be hurt & abused anymore. Now, I can connect with myself & be my truest self. I love the idea of paying attention to the pain, hearing it, feeling it, but not letting it consume you because there's still shit to do. Thanks for all the work you do, Heidi🫀
Thanks. This made me cry and face my own pain and fear for a bit, before putting it back into the drawer that’s been semi-forgotten about in the attic of my head (especially fear).